Health Advisory: Love Is In the Air
EPA Advises Elderly, Sick to Stay Indoors Until Love Smog Clears
Pittsburgh, PA—The EPA is advising the sick, elderly, and weak to stay indoors over the weekend since a deadly concentration of love has covered most of the United States. Love, known to cause membrane irritation, tremors, heart palpitations, and explosive diarrhea, is exceeding 1,000 parts per billion, almost 100 times normal levels. Love emissions traditionally increase around Valentine’s Day when many Americans become highly polluting love machines. The smog is expected to clear by late next week when people remember that love is hell.
Pittsburgh, PA—The EPA is advising the sick, elderly, and weak to stay indoors over the weekend since a deadly concentration of love has covered most of the United States. Love, known to cause membrane irritation, tremors, heart palpitations, and explosive diarrhea, is exceeding 1,000 parts per billion, almost 100 times normal levels. Love emissions traditionally increase around Valentine’s Day when many Americans become highly polluting love machines. The smog is expected to clear by late next week when people remember that love is hell.
posted by JD at 8:02 AM
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