Bush Announces Major Second Term Initiative

“I Promise to Name This Decade By the End of This Decade.”

Washington, D.C.—President Bush today announced a major initiative to properly name the current decade. “For almost five years we have simply referred to the current 10-year span as ‘this decade,’” Bush told reporters at a press briefing. “We can’t dance around the issue anymore. Historians and Time Life Music will suffer if we don’t address the Nameless 2K problem.” For the past five years newspapers, magazines, and the cultural elite have attempted to name the decade but nothing has stuck. Terms like “The Noughts,” “The O’s,” “The Millenials,” “The Britney Spears Decade,” and “Dark Ages II” simply haven’t caught on. “We’ve skirted the problem by saying “The Hottest Music from the 80s, the 90s, and Today,” says Milt Fairbanks of the Association of Classic Rock Stations. “But we’re screwed when the Teens decade hits. The whole classic rock infrastructure will melt down if we don’t name this puppy.”
The Bush Administration has not yet come up with a name, but it did unveil plans to deregulate the decade system to alleviate the problem. “Who needs ten years in each decade? We’ll let the market dictate decade lengths. If it’s fiscally sound to move on to the Teens next year we will,” the president announced. “There’s no shame in a one-year decade. We should have private sponsorship of decades, and we should use decades to unite us, not divide us.” Applications have been filed to name the next two decades “The Halliburton Years” and “The Age Of WalMart.”