Gay Marriage Fight A Giant Misunderstanding
Liberals, Homosexual Activists Just Want Joyous Weddings
San Francisco—The debate over gay marriage waged across America for the last half decade turns out to be a giant misunderstanding, drawing to a close one of the most contentious fronts in the culture wars. “This morning we realized that conservatives and evangelical Christians thought we were talking about same-sex unions,” says Terrence Feingold of the Gay Marriage Alliance. “Man do we have egg on our face. We just want happy weddings, you know, ‘gay’ as in ‘happy.’ I could never really understand why anyone would want somber or melancholy weddings.”
Lawrence McNeill, who has been chained to the doors of the county clerks office in Lafayette, Indiana, for the last 90 days to support gay marriage finally freed himself once the mistake was revealed. “I guess it’s kind of a tunnel vision thing,” he says. “Men marrying men? Women marrying women? I can’t believe people thought that’s why I lived on a sidewalk for three months. Yuck.”
Anti-gay marriage activists were quick to blame liberals for the misunderstanding. “I guess we couldn’t understand what they were talking about with all that lisping,” says June Fairclaw of Ohio’s Queer Don’t Come Near Here Coalition. “By their definition, my granddaughter just had a gay wedding, a term I still reject. I prefer to call it a nuptial fantasia.”
President Bush, in the meantime, also maintains his opposition to gay weddings. “Gay marriage is not right,” he told the press corps during a Rose Garden ceremony today. “When Jenna and Barbara get hitched, we’re wearing all black and playing the saddest Johnny Cash we can find. There will be no gayness whatsoever between man and wife, as God intended.”
San Francisco—The debate over gay marriage waged across America for the last half decade turns out to be a giant misunderstanding, drawing to a close one of the most contentious fronts in the culture wars. “This morning we realized that conservatives and evangelical Christians thought we were talking about same-sex unions,” says Terrence Feingold of the Gay Marriage Alliance. “Man do we have egg on our face. We just want happy weddings, you know, ‘gay’ as in ‘happy.’ I could never really understand why anyone would want somber or melancholy weddings.”
Lawrence McNeill, who has been chained to the doors of the county clerks office in Lafayette, Indiana, for the last 90 days to support gay marriage finally freed himself once the mistake was revealed. “I guess it’s kind of a tunnel vision thing,” he says. “Men marrying men? Women marrying women? I can’t believe people thought that’s why I lived on a sidewalk for three months. Yuck.”
Anti-gay marriage activists were quick to blame liberals for the misunderstanding. “I guess we couldn’t understand what they were talking about with all that lisping,” says June Fairclaw of Ohio’s Queer Don’t Come Near Here Coalition. “By their definition, my granddaughter just had a gay wedding, a term I still reject. I prefer to call it a nuptial fantasia.”
President Bush, in the meantime, also maintains his opposition to gay weddings. “Gay marriage is not right,” he told the press corps during a Rose Garden ceremony today. “When Jenna and Barbara get hitched, we’re wearing all black and playing the saddest Johnny Cash we can find. There will be no gayness whatsoever between man and wife, as God intended.”
posted by JD at 8:00 AM
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