Obituary: Martin Feldspur, 55
Quadriplegic Passes After 23 Years of Bitching, Verbal Abuse; Sets Back Support For Stem Cell Research By Years
Heathrow, Alabama—Noted Alabama quadriplegic Martin Feldspur, 55, died in his sleep yesterday after over 20 years confined to bed and an electric wheelchair. Feldspur, who lost the use of his limbs when he got drunk tailgating at an Auburn football game and fell off the roof of his van, lived in a small apartment and was tended to by the Instacare Home Nursing Service. Some of the 273 nurses who worked with Feldspur remember him as a sexually frustrated, verbally abusive ass. “Martin was a complete bastard,” says Cleo Tucker, Feldspur’s personal assistant for the last two months. “’Suck my crippled dick—you stupid bitch—this tastes like shit—get your fat butt away from the TV—wipe my ass with your lips.’ I wish his tongue had been paralyzed too. I would have killed him myself if I wasn’t making $18 an hour.”
Charlene McHenry, who worked with Feldspur for three weeks in 1987 before quitting says she would have filed a sexual harassment suit, but didn’t ever want to see Feldspur again. “He destroyed my self esteem and drove me to drinking after just one week. I guess when you can’t get it up talking is all you’ve got, but it’s still creepy.”
Phan Phut, delivery man for Happy Wok, who delivered dinner to Feldspur every Tuesday, remembers the crude racial epithets and being constantly shortchanged. “I was thinking of supporting stem cell research after hearing Christopher Reeve’s inspiring story,” says Phut. “But if all that money is going to save asses like Martin, fuck it, save your tips.”
Feldspur’s doctor, renowned researcher Franklin H. Beamsley recalls the misery of treating Feldspur over the past 23 years. “Preserving the life of that bastard caused me incredible stress and got me hooked on morpine,” says Beamsley. “I was close to finding a cure for spinal cord injuries, but I’m scrapping that research. I couldn’t live with myself if I put a dickhead like that back on the street.”
Bush Implements No Child Left Alive Act
Directs First Attack Against New Jersey School
Heathrow, Alabama—Noted Alabama quadriplegic Martin Feldspur, 55, died in his sleep yesterday after over 20 years confined to bed and an electric wheelchair. Feldspur, who lost the use of his limbs when he got drunk tailgating at an Auburn football game and fell off the roof of his van, lived in a small apartment and was tended to by the Instacare Home Nursing Service. Some of the 273 nurses who worked with Feldspur remember him as a sexually frustrated, verbally abusive ass. “Martin was a complete bastard,” says Cleo Tucker, Feldspur’s personal assistant for the last two months. “’Suck my crippled dick—you stupid bitch—this tastes like shit—get your fat butt away from the TV—wipe my ass with your lips.’ I wish his tongue had been paralyzed too. I would have killed him myself if I wasn’t making $18 an hour.”
Charlene McHenry, who worked with Feldspur for three weeks in 1987 before quitting says she would have filed a sexual harassment suit, but didn’t ever want to see Feldspur again. “He destroyed my self esteem and drove me to drinking after just one week. I guess when you can’t get it up talking is all you’ve got, but it’s still creepy.”
Phan Phut, delivery man for Happy Wok, who delivered dinner to Feldspur every Tuesday, remembers the crude racial epithets and being constantly shortchanged. “I was thinking of supporting stem cell research after hearing Christopher Reeve’s inspiring story,” says Phut. “But if all that money is going to save asses like Martin, fuck it, save your tips.”
Feldspur’s doctor, renowned researcher Franklin H. Beamsley recalls the misery of treating Feldspur over the past 23 years. “Preserving the life of that bastard caused me incredible stress and got me hooked on morpine,” says Beamsley. “I was close to finding a cure for spinal cord injuries, but I’m scrapping that research. I couldn’t live with myself if I put a dickhead like that back on the street.”
Bush Implements No Child Left Alive Act
Directs First Attack Against New Jersey School
posted by JD at 8:00 AM
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