Osama Bin Laden Releases New Paris Hilton Sex Tape
Heiress Living Simple Life in Afghanistan, Tells Reporters Jihad Is “Hot”
Peshawar, Pakistan—The Al Jazeera Network broadcast yesterday what is purported to be the first film from Osama bin Laden in over a year. The forty-minute tape, filmed in grainy green night vision mode in the caves of Tora Bora, shows the leader of the Al Qaeda terrorist network fornicating with American hotel heiress Paris Hilton. Hilton, a jet-setting party girl known for sport fucking with the world’s rich and powerful, can be heard on the tape saying “Osama bin a bad, bad boy!” The two then cavort through a series of role playing games including the Suicide Bomber’s Last Night On Earth, Pasha and Slavegirl, and the Naughty Schoolteacher. After the money shot Bin Laden addresses the camera directly saying, “Who needs 72 virgins when you’ve got an infidel bitch with an ass like that?”
An unnamed CIA analyst says he believes the tape is authentic, but is not ready for a full confirmation. “That certainly looks like Osama’s unit, but I’m going to have to watch the tape several dozen more times to be sure.” Prada and Gucci are both rushing chadors, veils, and folding stock AK-47s to market betting that Hilton’s defection will drive a winter demand for jihadist fashion. The Kerry campaign was quick to point out that their candidate has several inches on the terrorist leader and the White House responded to criticism that Osama’s terror network is hotter than the Bush administration by releasing a tape of vice president Cheney deflowering Iraq.
Peshawar, Pakistan—The Al Jazeera Network broadcast yesterday what is purported to be the first film from Osama bin Laden in over a year. The forty-minute tape, filmed in grainy green night vision mode in the caves of Tora Bora, shows the leader of the Al Qaeda terrorist network fornicating with American hotel heiress Paris Hilton. Hilton, a jet-setting party girl known for sport fucking with the world’s rich and powerful, can be heard on the tape saying “Osama bin a bad, bad boy!” The two then cavort through a series of role playing games including the Suicide Bomber’s Last Night On Earth, Pasha and Slavegirl, and the Naughty Schoolteacher. After the money shot Bin Laden addresses the camera directly saying, “Who needs 72 virgins when you’ve got an infidel bitch with an ass like that?”
An unnamed CIA analyst says he believes the tape is authentic, but is not ready for a full confirmation. “That certainly looks like Osama’s unit, but I’m going to have to watch the tape several dozen more times to be sure.” Prada and Gucci are both rushing chadors, veils, and folding stock AK-47s to market betting that Hilton’s defection will drive a winter demand for jihadist fashion. The Kerry campaign was quick to point out that their candidate has several inches on the terrorist leader and the White House responded to criticism that Osama’s terror network is hotter than the Bush administration by releasing a tape of vice president Cheney deflowering Iraq.
posted by JD at 8:00 AM
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