Super Bowl Goes Sports Free

NFL Commissioner Tagliabue: “The Game Could Never Live Up To the Hype”

Jacksonville, Florida—NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue announced at a press conference today that the 2006 Super Bowl will not include a football game. “It turns out in polls that the game is the least interesting part of the celebration,” said the Commish. “We will keep the 9-hour pregame show and substitute a 3-hour halftime show interrupted by silly high-priced advertisements instead of the game.” Officials at FOX, which will air next year’s Bowl, are excited by the move and are preparing a live-action half-time musical based on the first season of The O.C. “We expect revenues to jump by at least $1 billion,” said FOX chief Rupert Murdoch. “Without all that tackling and running we can cram in three times as many ads.” Ad agencies are already planning for the big day. “Two words:” said John Ridgely of Whack Communications, who creates ads for Pepsi, Taco Bell, and KY Jelly and is already prepping a 12-minute showstopper for 2006, “Talking Bellybuttons.”